Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
