I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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