I puked a lego.
dude i'm inner monologue high
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
pray to the hookup gods
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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