girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
