I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
