Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
