Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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