I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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