Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
