I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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