You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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