Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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