"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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