Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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