their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
