ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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