wanna go halves on a baby?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
