she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
