Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
