Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
