The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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