unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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