I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
