Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
