Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
