would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
