bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
