How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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