It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
