I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
