My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
