Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
