don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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