I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think my fart just growled at me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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