Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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