You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
