fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
