So drunk its hurt
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
