so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
