i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
