Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
