When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
