it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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