Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
