I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
