Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
