Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
