Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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