I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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