I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
