I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
