bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
